


Cool enough

by Abiggaynerd



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Abandonment Issues, Angst, Dermatillomania, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, minor injuries? Michael picks at his skin and bleeds if thats an issue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-15
Updated: 2017-05-15
Packaged: 2018-11-01 06:17:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10916031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Abiggaynerd/pseuds/Abiggaynerd
Summary: Michael hopes Jeremy doesn't throw him away again.





	Cool enough

**Author's Note:**

> Just a quick thing ! This was fun to write!!

Michael smiled nervously as Jeremy walked into his room. It was the first time he had come over since... 

Michael didn't want to think about that right then. 

Michael felt incredibly nervous. He went over entire conversations in his head, trying to determine the best possible outcome for each one. Michael knew that the only reason Jeremy was back in his life was because Jeremy thought he was "Cool" now, or maybe just some sort of payment for saving him. Either way, one wrong move and Michael would be garbage again. He knew it. It was okay though. He just had to say the right things and do the right things. Be cool enough so Jeremy wouldn't abandon him again. 

"Sit down!" Michael said, forcing himself out of his thoughts. "Do you-"

A glassy look came over Jeremy's eyes, and he immediately sat on the floor below him. He hissed in pain from sitting down too fast.

"I kinda meant on your beanbag, but if you wanna sit there-"

"Oh!" Jeremy shot back up again, moving to sit on his beanbag chair. "Sorry. Habit." 

"What do you want to do?" Michael didn't trust himself to pick something cool. Were video games cool? Probably not. What about movies- those were a little better, right? Rambling about various discontinued foods was absolutely not cool. Unless it was cool now because Mountain Dew Red saved the school? Or maybe just Mountain Dew Red was cool, and-

"I don't care. What do you want to do?"

Michael tensed. This was a test. To see if Michael was worthy of being his friend. Damnit, he should've payed more attention to all the trends and shit before now, rather than.... Jeremy and discontinued objects from the 90s. Those were really the only thing he had any sort of knowledge about. Oh, and squips. He knew about those. 

Were drugs cool? Yes. Was weed cool? Mmmmmaybe? But then, immediately after Michael had suggested getting high together Jeremy had ignored him for months. Bad idea. Not cool. What WAS cool? 

Michael felt himself to begin to hyperventilate. 

It was okay, it was fine. He knew what to do. An oldie but a goody. It had passed the test of time, and still worked wonders today. A glorious trick that even fools would know. Something that fed into the deepest, most primal urges a human could have-

"Michael?" 

"Do you want some food?" Michael squeaked. 

Jeremy nodded. "Sure, what do you have?" 

Michael allowed himself a second of rest, before working on the second problem: What was cool to eat?

Chips? That was video game food. Probably not cool. It was too early for dinner, and what even was cool to eat for dinner? No, focus. Focus! Fruit was obviously not cool. Vegetables even worse. Or better? He wasn't sure. 

Michael knew he had stuff downstairs: fresh cookies. He had made them himself, earlier that day. Chocolate chip. It was a habit he picked up when Jeremy was ignoring him. Was baking cool? Maybe for a girl, he supposed- no, not even then. Cooking was lame. Jeremy probably wouldn't like it if he knew Michael cooked. 

But while Michael didn't really know what was cool or not, he did know Jeremy. And what Jeremy liked. And he knew Jeremy wouldn't say no to a bunch of (really) good tasting chocolate chip cookies. 

"My mom just bought a bunch of chocolate chip cookies." 

"Oh, I don't know if I-" 

Michael immediately planned his entire suicide.

"Oh! Right. Yeah, I'd love some! If that's okay." 

Michael frowned. That was weird. But there were more important things to worry about right then. 

"Okay, follow me to the kitchen, then," Michael said, standing up and leading the way. "They're really good." 

Jeremy followed Michael in silence. Michael wondered if being quiet was cool, or maybe Jeremy was testing him to see if he knew that being quiet was SO FUCKING LAME- 

"Sit down wherever," said Michael, grabbing the zip-lock full of cookies from the cabinet. He hoped Jeremy didn't question where the store's box went. Jeremy sat down at the counter, watching him. 

"Do you want anything to drink?" 

What was cool to drink? Alcohol? Michael didn't have alcohol right now. Was juice cool? No. Milk? No. Coffee? Maybe? He saw Jenna holding one once. Maybe a smoothie? 

"Can I just have some water?" 

Water. Water he could do. Wait, what kind of water? Tap water? Bottled water? Was Water slang for something? No, that would be confusing. Or maybe that was the point? 

Michael quickly poured Jeremy a glass of tap water. Jeremy didn't react, but he didn't react... Negatively. Which was a win in Michael's book. 

"Thanks, man." 

"No problem." Michael grabbed himself a glass of water, and sat down next to Jeremy. 

Jeremy hadn't taken a single cookie yet. 

"You gonna eat?" Michael asked, grabbing a cookie for himself. Had he failed some sort of test? 

"Oh! Oh, yeah." Jeremy grabbed a cookie. He tasted it. "Wow, this is really good. It almost tastes homemade." 

"Yeah..." Michael laughed awkwardly. Jeremy joined him. They both went silent. 

"So, Michael. What have you been up to since. Um." 

Michael wondered if this was a trap. But then, maybe Jeremy actually wanted to know? He shrugged. 

"Researched squips, mainly. Like a super cool-" Michael shut himself up before he started some sort of nerdy rant. "Researched Squips." 

He also had been crying, like, the entire time, but Jeremy didn't need to know that.

"Wow." Jeremy took another bite of his cookie. "I- I don't deserve a friend like you." 

Michael tensed. Was that bad? 

"I was so awful, and you still worked so hard to save me."

Ah. It was good. Michael relaxed.

"Well, you were kinda a dick. But I forgave you," said Michael. "If it wasn't for the squip, you wouldn't have done it."

"That's the thing, I-" Jeremy took a deep breath. "Maybe I would've. I don't know. I mean, if Christine came up to me and said "I'll love you if you stop hanging out with Michael" I might've done it. I don't know. I might've."

Michael's mouth felt dry. "I didn't." 

"Huh?"

"Rich asked me if I wanted to sit with the other cool kids once, last year, if I left you behind. I said no way in hell." 

Jeremy burst into laughter. Michael flinched. 

"Wow! That made me feel so much worse!" Jeremy said, smiling. He became more serious. "I just, I don't want you to forgive me just because you think. It was the squip that did everything? Because it wasn't. I was half the problem." 

Michael hummed. "Oh, I knew that." 

If Jeremy had been drinking, he would've performed a spit take. "What?" 

"I knew you chose to leave me behind. I just forgave you for it." 

Jeremy looked crushed. "W-why? You shouldn't have- all I said was sorry, and that was enough to pay back the months of you being alone?" 

Michael nodded. "Yep." 

"But- you should be mad! I was terrible!" 

Michael finished his cookie. "Yeah, but it's okay. All I really wanted was for you to be my friend again. I'm like, never mad, remember?" 

Jeremy stared at him. 

Michael began to sweat. Shit, he had let his guard down and talked freely. Did he say something wrong?

"I- I-" Jeremy shoved his face in his hands. "I hurt you, and you knew it was me, and you forgive me anyway?" 

"I forgave you a long time ago," Michael said, hesitantly. "You're back now, that's what matters." 

Jeremy laughed in exasperation. "Michael Mell, you are a fucking SAINT." 

"I know," said Michael, taking another cookie. 

\---

Michael had hated school since the moment Jeremy had first started ignoring him. Instead of school being a level in a game for he and his bestie to play, it became utter hell. A place where Jeremy looked through him. A place where he got bullied. A place where he was completely and utterly alone.

He followed Jeremy through the halls.

"Jeremy!" Chloe called, over the bustle of the hallway. She was standing with Jeremy's other friends. "Hey!" 

Jeremy smiled and turned to walk towards her. Michael automatically turned the other way. 

"Hm? Michael, where are you going?" 

Michael was surprised that Jeremy was okay to actually... Be seen with him. Was this a test?

"YO, Jeremy! What's up!" Jake said, and everyone began to have a conversation. Michael was about to tune out again, when he noticed Rich staring at him.

Rich pursed his lips. "Ah! You're Jeremy's boyfriend! I saw you at the hospital."

"Boyfriend?" said Chloe. "I thought Jeremy was dating Christine?" 

"No, we broke up," said Christine, laughing. "I'm just not that interested in dating right now."

"W-we're not dating though!" said Jeremy, blushing. "This is Michael, my best friend." Surprising. Michael didn't expect Jeremy to introduce him as his best friend.

"Oh yeah! I remember you! You like... Saved the school, right?" Brooke smiled at him.

"Yep, that's me..." Michael said quietly.

Michael watched as everyone else chattered happily. Should he say something? Was it cool to be quiet in mysterious, or was he looking like an idiot? If he needed to talk, what should he say? What was cool to talk about? Should he talk more about the squip incident? No, right? But Brooke had kind of brought it up. But not really? What were they talking about anyway? Michael cursed at himself. He hadn't been listening to anything they were saying, and now he'd be lost if he tried to join the conversation. 

Michael suddenly understood completely why Jeremy had wanted a squip. This was AWFUL. 

Shit, everyone was looking at him. Shit, he had done something wrong. Shit, shit, shit. 

"Michael," Christine said slowly. "...You're bleeding."

Michael felt like he was moving through muck. He looked at his arm- Ah. When he had been freaking out over what to say, he had somehow managed to pull up his hoodie's sleeve and had been picking at his skin. Blood was dribbling down his arm now, and the skin was puffy and inflamed. 

"Uh-"

Michael jumped back, and immediately ran away, ignoring Jeremy's call for him. He didn't stop running until he ended up in a janitor's closet. 

He crumpled to a ball onto the ground. He didn't move until the door opened and shut behind him. 

"Michael?" 

Jeremy knelt down in front of him. Michael didn't protest as Jeremy took his arm and inspected it, he just looked away.

"Michael..." Jeremy sighed. "I thought you had stopped doing this." 

"I started again after you left." 

Michael felt Jeremy's grip on his arm tighten, and that was enough to make the floodgates open. 

Michael grabbed fistfuls of Jeremy's shirt in his hands, staring at him desperately. "I'm sorry!" He was crying. When had he started crying?"

"For- for what?"

Michael was hyperventilating now. "I embarrassed you in front of all your friends, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I can be better! I'll be better, I promise, I'll be cool-" Michael took a frantic breath of air. "Please don't leave again, please, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'll do whatever you want, anything, just please don't leave!" 

Michael couldn't see Jeremy anymore through his tears. He couldn't talk anymore, and he could barely breath. His sobs shook through his body violently. He shoved his face into Jeremy's chest. 

Jeremy held him until his tears began to die down, and finally disappeared, leaving Michael with nothing but an empty feeling in his chest. 

"Michael," Jeremy said, after Michael was quiet again. "Do you think I would leave you again?" 

"Of course." 

"M-Michael," Jeremy said, voice breaking, "I would rather die than leave you again."

Michael chuckled into Jeremy's chest. 

"No, Michael- I don't care about being cool anymore. I don't care if all my new friends leave me and I'm thrown to the very bottom of the social ladder, I won't leave you again. You're way more important." 

Jeremy took a deep breath. "Ever since my Squip left, I've had. A hard time. I'm used to being told what to do and think and say, and it's. Scary. I'm never sure what I should do anymore. I'm always worried I'm doing something wrong." 

Michael hummed in response. He didn't take his face out of Jeremy's shirt. It was already covered in snot anyway. 

"Remember yesterday? I almost rejected the cookies because the Squip doesn't like me eating junk food. And every time I don't sit straight I'm scared of being shocked. And... I haven't mastrubated in months. Cause he didn't like it." 

"You haven't mastrubated in months?" 

"That's- that's not the point!" Jeremy blushed. "The point is, I'm really scared of everyone leaving me because I'm... being me. But even though I'm scared and I don't know what to do... Michael, being your best friend is my top priority. I missed you and I- I can't lose you again." 

Michael looked up at Jeremy, finally. Jeremy had a few tears running down his face. 

"And I'm really sorry you thought I'd leave you again, but I'll do whatever it takes to prove thats not the case. I'd rather have you than anyone else in the school, or- or the world!" 

Michael took a deep breath. He didn't really have much to lose right now. He kissed Jeremy. 

"Even now?"

Jeremy's smile would made diamonds seem dull. "Especially now." 

Michael took a shaky breath, and immediately burst back into tears. Jeremy tried to keep it together, but he was crying pretty soon too. 

Michael probably wouldn't be okay for a while. Jeremy wouldn't either. 

But they had each other, and that was what mattered.


End file.
